Sunday, December 30, 2007
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Friday, August 17, 2007
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
Thursday, August 2, 2007
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Monday, July 23, 2007
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Friday, June 15, 2007
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Monday, June 11, 2007
Saturday, June 2, 2007
Online at Work.Com
Sunday, April 29, 2007
News Story 1
News Story 2
News Story 3
News Story 4
Monday, April 16, 2007
Sunday, April 15, 2007
ESPN.Com and ESPN the Magazine’s columnist Jemele Hill has written a sensational article demanding the firing of Radio Shock Jock Don Imus. This sister is sensational! She is going places! Her awesome article is below! I am with you my sister! Exceptional Job!
The oversexed Jezebel. The welfare mother. The mammy. And now the latest catch phrase to be added to the lexicon of stereotypes about black women: the nappy-headed ho.
Thank you, Don Imus, for your valuable contribution. If it were up to me, security would have escorted the longtime radio jock out of his CBS Radio cocoon with belongings in tow days ago. But for now, I’ll have to settle for a two-week suspension that doesn’t begin until next week. That’ll show him.
Days have passed since Imus, executive producer Bernard McGuirk and sports announcer Sid Rosenberg took turns taking cheap shots at the Rutgers women’s basketball team, but I’m still boiling because too many people continue to defend Imus behind lame free-speech arguments — remember, speech is free, but consequences are not — and the idea that black women just don’t know a good joke when they hear one. Tell you what, if this “nappy-headed ho” comment is as harmless as some of you say it is, say that phrase to your wives and girlfriends tonight (or even a woman on the street). If they laugh, I’ll write an entire column about how humorless I am. Imus’ comments were harmful to all women — especially for female athletes who still struggle to gain acceptance in our society — but they really cut black women deep. Our looks have been the subject of ridicule for decades. While history has kindly portrayed white women as bastions of purity and decency, black women have been characterized as hypersexed and indecent since the 17th century. So the phrase “nappy-headed” didn’t bother me nearly as much as the “ho” part. In case you’re wondering, I would have been equally outraged if Imus were black, Asian, Latino, Portuguese or Italian. The ethnicity or skin color of the perpetrator matters none. And since some of you — actually, a lot of you — have done the predictable thing and used Imus’ predicament as a platform to hold African-Americans responsible for hip-hop, I’ll briefly address that. Although I hope you know hip-hop didn’t become the No. 1 music genre in the world because only black folks support the music. For the record, I am equally offended by the rappers who make music videos and songs that demean women — although hip-hop artists didn’t invent the concept of objectifying women. Many African-Americans have been outspoken about those destructive elements of hip-hop. Instead of just taking his lumps, Imus tried to challenge Al Sharpton on his stance on hip-hop when Imus appeared on Sharpton’s radio show Monday. I don’t stick up for Al Sharpton often because I consider him an agitator, but Sharpton’s views on “gangsta” rap have been consistent and clear. Last week, Sharpton and hip-hop mogul Russell Simmons held a public protest against rapper Tony Yayo — who is associated with 50 Cent — for his alleged assault of the 14-year-old son of a rival record company executive. Sharpton even called for a 90-day, FCC-mandated ban on all gangsta music. But that doesn’t air on CNN and Essence magazine’s Take Back the Music crusade — a nationwide campaign that promotes up-and-coming hip-hop artists with positive values — and it doesn’t make the front pages of newspapers. But none of this has anything to do with Imus, whose apology I can’t accept or take seriously. Imus has become a Hall of Fame broadcaster using race-baiting, offensive tactics. He is routinely offensive to people of color and women, and if he needs to lose his job to understand that there is no place for that, so be it. As a society, there are times when we need to stand together against indecency and cruelty. Jemele Hill, a Page 2 columnist and writer for ESPN The Magazine, can be reached at email@example.com.
manOF war said,
April 14, 2007 at 4:50 pm
Racist>>> Al Sharpton
Hypocrite>>> Jesse Jackson
An old white man says something that Rappers and Blacks have been saying for 30 YEARS, and he is fired. So the “nappy” part didn’t bother as much as the “ho” part? Then why aren’t you banging down the door to the recording studios of rappers like 50 Cent? Hmmm??? He also calls his “homies” , niggas … is that OK with you too?
The old white man got fired like he should have! It was a ridiculous comments laced with racist imagery. Master, I am sorry but for the most part we are totally off the plantation. We will not tolerate Mr. Imus or anyone like him who chooses to degrade our people in this hour!
April 14, 2007 at 11:56 pm
It is what it is! They are wrong also and I think that this incident will make it harder for rappers to get away with what they have been getting away with. Imus was stll wrong and he brought the severity of his punishment on himself with his less than desirable comments!
manOF war said,
April 15, 2007 at 1:00 am
oh, pleeeeezzzzzzzzz, that means all these years of ridicule is OK? “let’s start now?” Bullshit. I don’t care for Imus, but double standards need to cease in EVERY case.
Blogging Black’s Response
The profanity will cease or you will be banned! I will entertain your comments, but the profanity must go. What are you so angry about? Is it because they fired your boy? No he can not get away with what he did!
manOF war said,
April 15, 2007 at 1:04 am
Where’s “White College Fund”?
Where’s “White History month”?
ooooh, sorry, that was racist………..
Blogging Black.Com’s Response
White College Fund and White History month occur the other 11 months of the year. The History books in our schools are filled with “his story” and that his is certainly not African American history. Man of War don’t be a hypocrite, your people built this nation off of the backs of slaves. Virtually every institution in this nation is based on a Euro-American principles. So you give us February(the shortest month of the year) for Black History Month and now you ridicule that. We will not be the folks that you want us to be anymore. We are a new people who are undergoing a Genesis of sorts, and we we being again we will no longer tolerate the crap that you would have us to stay in our place and tolerate!
manOF war said,
April 15, 2007 at 1:39 am
If Black women can enter the Miss America Pagent …. WHY do we have the Miss Black America Pagent???
Like I said…….Double Standards.
You are as much African-American as I am Polish-American, unless, of course, you were actually BORN in THAT country. But, come to think of it, Africa is a continent …hmmmm?
Blogging Black.Com’s Response
We reserve the right to call ourselves what ever we want to. Man of War if you think that you are dealing with a novice in these matters, i would assure you that you are not. Please refrain from the profanity or I will exclude you from this site!
April 15, 2007 at 5:19 am
This whole incident is so disturbing, I don’t even know where to begin. Let me just start with this, I have been reading the message boards and they really have my stomach in nots. Imus’ defense is that ‘they were saying it so I thought it was OK for me to say it too’. Imus didn’t your mama teach you if someone was jumping off a bridge, that it didn’t mean that you should do it too. That is the most ridiculous thing I have heard in a while. Rap music has nothing to do with this situation. If he was really “sorry”, he should have stood up and took responsibility instead of pointing the finger elsewhere. Also, the comments on the message boards really make me sick. This situation has really brought out all of the closet racists out of the woodwork. Lastly, with all the negative feelings this scenario has brought out, there have also been some positive. I applaud the advertisers for taking a stand and pulling out the way they did. Their actions give me hope!
P.S. Good luck censoring rap…it won’t happen. There are much deeper issues underneath the surface that need to be tackled first. Once those problems in our community are solved the music will follow.
Blogging Black.Com's Response
The Racists were never in the closet. Racism is flowing in this nation at an all time high!
April 15, 2007 at 9:54 am
I agree it is disturbing. However; there will be valuable lessons learned in the interim. Racism is percolating in this nation at an all time high! We are hardly ever the aggressor (did I spell that right?) but we will not roll over and play dead with actions like these in the future!
manOF war said,
April 16, 2007 at 12:09 am
My “boy”? I find THAT offensive. And get away with it? Rap music has been getting away with it for close to 30 years! Go read some lyrics from 50 Cent at lyrics.com. So, then, it’s OK as long as there is rap music in the background? …Double Standard.
Blogging Black.Com’s Response
I apologize for calling him your boy, but I stand by my earlier statement that he should have been removed for his comments. Rap Music will have to reel in some of their lyrics because of this. Stop trying to play lawyer we are not falling for it!
I beg to differ about building this nation. How many Pilgrims died from Indian attacks? Didn’t they try to make frredom for all? And true, I don’t want you to be the folks you use to be, but I also don’t want you to think that ME or anyone else OWES you anything. Talk about being a hypocrite!
Blogging Black.Com’s Response
This nation was built on the back of slave labor. Who couldn’t get rich when one has laborers who they don’t have to pay! I don’t want anything from you or anyone like you. How dare you or anyone like you to have enough nerve to tell an oppressed people how to hurt! It aint working! I did say aint didn’t I?
Tuesday, April 3, 2007
Friday, March 23, 2007
March 20, 2007
To our Church Of God in Christ Family:
It is with deep sadness and sorrow that the General Board of the Church Of God In Christ informs you of the passing of our Presiding Bishop Gilbert Earl Patterson. The entire Church and World mourns the loss of our leader. He was the leader of our International Church, a leader in the Memphis Community and a leader of the Christian Community. At this time we will continue to pray for the Patterson family and our great Church as we honor the life of our leader.
We are declaring a period of mourning for our Church and we are requesting that all members observe this time as we pray during this time of grief. We know that God is able to sustain us as we honor the memory of Bishop Gilbert Earl Patterson.
The Final Arrangements are as follows:
THURSDAY, MARCH 29, 2007 • 7 PM
(Local) TEMPLE OF DELIVERANCE MEMORIAL SERVICE
FRIDAY, MARCH 30, 2007 • 7 PM
TENNESSEE 4th JURISDICTION MEMORIAL SERVICE
SATURDAY, MARCH 31, 2007 • 10 AM
CHURCH OF GOD IN CHRIST NATIONAL HOMEGOING SERVICE
All Services will be held at:
Temple of Deliverance Church of God In Christ
369 G.E. Patterson Avenue
Memphis, TN 38126
* All Cards and Condolences for Mother Louise Patterson and Family may be sent to Temple of Deliverance at the above address.
On behalf of the General Board, the Board of Bishops, our National Supervisor of Women, Nationally Elected Officers and Credential Holders we pray for a spirit of unity for our Great Church recognizing that “We are better together”.
Yours in Christ,
Bishop Charles E. Blake, Sr.
First Assistant Presiding Bishop
Saturday, March 10, 2007
Tuesday, March 6, 2007
Sunday, March 4, 2007
Thursday, March 1, 2007
Monday, February 26, 2007
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Saturday, February 24, 2007
Perry Talks to 'Nightline' About His Past, Present and Future
By VICKI MABREY and TARANA HARRIS
Feb. 21, 2007— - At 6 feet 5 inches tall and weighing well over 200 pounds, Tyler Perry is an imposing bear of a man. But when we first met him in Atlanta last week, he was speaking in a woman's voice. Disconcerting? A little. Funny? Absolutely.
It was Tyler Perry channeling Madea, the tough-love, no-nonsense, gun-toting grandmother character that's made him famous. The cast and crew at the newly opened Tyler Perry Studios were on set, blocking out scenes from his latest venture -- a sitcom called "House of Payne," which was scheduled to start shooting the following day.
During a break in the rehearsal, Perry sat on the sitcom's living room sofa and told us Madea is just dropping by to help get the sitcom off the ground.
"She's only going to be in three or four episodes," he said. "Unless it's not going well, in which case she may be showing up a lot more," he laughed.
Behind the cordiality and humor, there's a mind constantly at work. Perry is a triple, quadruple, quintuple threat: an actor/director/playwright/producer/author. He is always busy, constantly on the move, notices everything, even down to the smallest detail.
He has to -- he's responsible for hundreds of employees and a multimillion dollar empire. And it's all riding on him.
Being Tyler Perry
"Being Tyler Perry means a lot of things," he told us. Everything from janitor to boss.
"Sometimes it gets overwhelming," he admits, … "because I realize that there are so many people depending on me from day to day, so I'm up at 5:30, working out every morning, making sure my health is right, making sure I can manage and making sure that the 200 or so people that are working for me can feed their families."
Quite a difference for a guy who 15 years ago was working at a variety of uninspiring jobs, trying to figure out what to do with his life. When a friend read some things he'd written to get over feelings of anger toward a father that Perry had described as abusive, he suggested that Perry had actually written a play. Thus, the playwright was born.
Perry used his life savings to staging his plays in empty theaters, only to find himself broke, living in a pay-by-the-week motel and even his car for a short time, until he discovered his core audience: black church women. Once he ignited that previously untapped theater audience, his career soared.
He recently opened his third film, "Daddy's Little Girls," about a father who fights for custody of his three daughters.
"I had a friend who's a great father. He has three girls he loves to death and he was always on the phone. And I thought he was talking to some woman and he was talking to his kids. And I thought, man, the world needs to see this. We're talked about, as African-American men, as being deadbeats and not great fathers and terrible husbands. I wanted to show that you can … really be a good father."
Lately, his audiences have begun to change. It's no longer just women. There are more men in the seats. And more white faces among the black faces.
A Universal Story
"I'm not surprised," Perry said, "because I've always thought I was just telling a universal story. For years we as African-American people have had to go to the movies and never see our faces, so I just thought what does this mean: cross over? If you can cross over one way can't you cross over the other way too? So I just thought if I stayed true to what I was doing, audiences -- no matter what race -- would find it and appreciate it."
He's got a schedule of touring plays, films and TV shows worked out through 2009, possibly into 2010. He remains driven even with millions in the bank, and he has just opened a 75,000 square foot studio so he can shoot all his projects in his beloved adopted home, Atlanta.
"Even at this age, I worry about having to go back to my parents house for some reason," Perry told us, "as well as I remember being in school and getting straight A's and not getting attention, and getting straight F's and not getting any attention, and so I think I've learned how to rechannel my own energy to drive myself in the things that I do to make sure that things are successful."
And how successful is he? According to figures his company has compiled, his plays have grossed $100 million since 1998. He structured a deal with TBS for his new sit-com "House of Payne" that will generate $200 million in revenue.
According to independent tallies, Perry's first two movies -- "Diary of a Mad Black Woman" and "Madea's Family Reunion" -- made for about $5 million and $6 million each, and grossed about $110 million at the box office.
Not Seeking Approval
Only once during our interview did he express anger, and that was at the black theater elite, some of who have dismissed his work.
"My work has been frowned upon by a lot of the African-American theater companies. But I think my shows, because they generate so much income, that they could actually finance some of the other shows, some of the August Wilson shows, some of the great playwrights of our time." As well as introduce his audience to a different type of theater experience, he said.
But he's not seeking the validation of anyone except his fans. They know what they're getting when they go see a Tyler Perry production. After all, it's more than just his name -- it's his brand.
"For me the Tyler Perry brand is good family wholesome entertainment. It's things you can take your entire family to," he said. "It's about life lessons, it's faith based, it's about God, it's about love, it's about hope, forgiveness, all of those things encompass and make up a brand."
"Daddy's Little Girls," Tyler Perry's latest, has scored big at the box office since its Valentine's Day release, hauling in $18.6 million last weekend. Distributed by Lionsgate, the film cost less than $10 million to make.
Friday, February 23, 2007
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Pastor Stephen F.Smith
Sure House Church, Inc.
Monday, February 19, 2007
Sunday, February 18, 2007
Pastor Stephen F. Smith
Sure House Church, Inc.
Sure House Church, Inc.
Anointing:Used to describe any non-regular emotion (crying in the middle of a song when you forget the words, telling the church off (particularly when its over tithes and offering), doing the Olympic shout around the church (first one that hits the wall gets a white hanky tied around their neck!) ( I won't lie...I have ran around my church a coupla times....shoot it felt good!)
Trick of the Enemy:Used to describe anything that happens because you didn't do what you were supposed to, like your car getting repossessed cause you didn't pay the note, lights getting shut off cause you quit work to go on tour with the pastors choir, or your child repeating the first grade cause he missed the whole second semester to go on a 90 day/90 night fast and consecration. (The Enemy done played some tricks on me )
*Of course, we know there is grace*
Rhema Word:Any message from an out-of-town pastor or evangelist. (Yeah ...I love them)
Prophetic Word:Same message from that out-of-town pastor, delivered 5 decibels louder, while the congregation is standing. Quiet organ music optional, but works better with silence. (Def with the music)
Carnal:Used to describe a saint who goes to the movies. This term doesn't apply if you rent the same movie from Blockbuster. ( I saw a couple from church at the movies and they looked like deer in some headlights....I know they didnt want to see me LOL)
Didn't God Move?:What saints say after a long service where the pastor doesn't preach and they just shout the whole service. (Sholl is right!!! Love that)
Unlock Your Blessing: What preachers say after they've finished preaching, and they say you must give $50 to "unlock your blessing." For a more dramatic effect, this offering can be started at $1,000 and worked down to $25. ( You ain't never lie)
He'll Do It If You Let Him (followed by inaudible tongues): Round one of shouting; will begin in 5 minutes. Organist Get Ready ( I'm getting ready too LOL)
We Got To Move On: What the preacher says when he wants shout time to start up again. Organist, turn up the volume on the Leslie. (HMM)
We Have Time for One More Testimony: Not really, we're just waiting on the pastor to come into service. If you're called on during this one, when you hear clapping, just stop talking, cause the pastor has walked in and people are no longer interested in what God did for you. (I fell out on this one...cause I've seen it happen and I thought the same thing)
We Can Never Pay for the Word: Get your checkbook out, the auction will begin momentarily! This phrase always comes before the offering is taken for the guest speaker. ( They do say that)
God Has Been Dealing with Me on Some Issues: I'm still doing what I was doing before I got saved, only now I just put in an extra $5 in my offering when I do it. (Oh my goodness)
Is He Worthy?: Of course He is; why ask a question like that. (Exactly)
Let Us Go To God in Our Own Way: This is what you say when they ask you to pray in church and you don't know what to say.
Get Ready, Get Ready, Get Ready!!!: Don't really know what this one means, but if you're not careful, a shout could break out when you say it. It must be said three times to have real impact.
I Can't Get No Help: Preachers say this when no one says amen in the spot they thought would get a lot of amens.
I'm Blessed and Highly Favored: Said when a fellow saint asks "how are you?" Memo to saints: you CAN be saved and answer "fine" when someone asks how are you.
Where The Spirit of The Lord is, There is liberty: Whenever you want to disrupt service and holler out when it's quiet, use this statement to justify your behavior.
Get Ready To Go To The Next Level: This means the church will be hosting another revival in a few months.
Stand To Your Feet: This gives the illusion that the preacher is finished, but be prepared to stand up for at least 1/2 hour. May be cut to 15 minutes if the organist starts playing softly.
Give God a Shabach: Scream to the top of your lungs. Some church members may blow whistles and wave flags as well.
Every Head Bowed, Every Eye Closed: Quick! Everyone look around to see who's getting saved again this week.
Secular: Any person, place, object or event that's not in the church.
The "Yes Lord" Song: Signals the official end to shout time. Anyone still shouting when this song is over is considered to be "in self".
In Self: Used to describe someone who acts alone in church. For example, someone who is shouting alone. Add two more people to this display and its called...
In The Spirit: When three people are doing the same thing in a church service at the same time.
Prayer Partner: Phone buddy. 5 minutes of prayer, 1 hour of church gossiping.
(definitions also apply to COGIC, Charismatic and most anything seen on TBN... not that there's anything wrong with that! ;)
The post below is crazy! This was posted by others, but I had to post this. There are just some qualities, behaviors, and traditions that are specific to our ethnicity! Despite some of the things below, I Tremendously Love Our People! I am proud to be Black!
You put sugar on your frosted flakes.
Your kids were in your wedding.
You call your mama by her first name.
You iron dirty clothes.
You wear house shoes to the grocery store.
You're nineteen and you just met your father.
Your mom does your hair in the kitchen.
You put on panty-hose instead of shaving your legs.
You buy clothes for a party and return them to the store the next day.
Your first name begins with Ta', La', or Sha' and your brother's name begins with De' or Le
You think putting batteries in the refrigerator recharges them.
You yell "Pookie or Poochie" in your house and five people turn around.
If you say AXE instead of ASK
Your kids are older than your girlfriend
Your shoes cost more than your car
Your uncle sleeps in the Kitchen.
You bring the shopping cart from the super market home full of groceries.
Listen to Boom box on the porch (Stoop) and watch people walk by.
If your child's birthday party includes a barbeque, a game of dominoes, and a Spades Tournament.
Your screen door doesn't have a screen
You wear work clothes because you think they are fashionable. (Leave the Dickies Alone!!!)
Turning up the heat means turning on another burner on the stove.
All of your drinking glasses used to be jelly jars.
Your furniture is covered in plastic.
You refer to the refrigerator as the icebox.
The back of your toilet is always off and you have to manually flush it.
You have more than ten uses for Vaseline and one of them is shoe polish.
You don't think of yourself as clean unless you have a splash of baby powder all over your chest, back and neck (ladies you know where you put the powder…)
The heels of your feet look like you've been kickin' flour. (lightly battered or a gymnast chalked up)
You use black eyeliner for your lips.
Your lipstick matches your clothes.
Your boy wears white socks with sandals or house slippers outside.
Your car cost more than your house but you don't have any Auto Insurance
You live in you momma's basement and you're 42 years old…and you still get women to come to yo momma's house for the nasty…..Ladies what's up with that?
Nobody has known your real name for 20 years including your cousins, neighbors, and boss cause everybody has been calling you Peaches since 3rd grade.
If "mybabyfavah" or "mybabymovah" is the name of your significant other…you might be ghetto.
If you own more than one pair of gold shoes…you might be ghetto.
If you have the gold lipstick to go with those gold shoes…you might be ghetto.
If your grandmother is under 40 years old…you might be ghetto.
If you have a brother or cousin named "stink", "man" or "boo"…you might be ghetto.
If you find yourself in a physical confrontation because someone stepped on your sneakers…you might be ghetto.
If your 4 yeard old can't talk, but can do the "tootsie roll"…you might be ghetto.
If you constantly use *69 on your telephone and you say, "Did you just call here?"…you might be ghetto.
If you name your child after a character on the Young and the Restless…you might be ghetto.
If you do not have a job, but your hair and nails are done on a weekly basis…you might be ghetto.
If you believe that the words mother and father have the letter "v" in their spelling…you might be ghetto.
If "arts and crafts aids" (such as spray paint, glue, and glitter) are hair products to you…you might be ghetto.
Your grandma has gray Shirley Temple curls.
You buy kids' social security numbers to get a larger income tax return check.
You're a dark-skinned woman, but you dye your hair blond because you think it makes you look lighter.
You are at the Maxwell concert, but your lights are turned off.
You can't answer a question without phrases from a rap song. (ex: "Mr. Johnson, are you ready for your interview?" answer "I love it when you call me Mr. John-son, throw your hands in the air…"
You still don't know what Y2K stands for, but you bought a bunch of water and batteries.
When you are at the bus stop and hear loud music, you start jammin'.
You don't have a job because you are "in the studio."
You and your friends say "AAAAAAAAA!" when you hear a song that you like.
You are scared to use the phone during a storm, because you think that electricity is going to come through the line.
You are doing the butterfly and your 2 year old child is raising the roof saying, "Go Angie, get busy!"
You shake sunflower seeds in your fist.
You think you're intelligent by mentioning your "comprutah" skills
You still grease your scalp with Vaseline.
You refer to the Wayans Brothers as the Way-Nans.
Your grandma told you that you were related to the ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Jackson family or Thomas Jefferson.
You don't come to work on your birthday.
You have the bootleg cable man's number in your wallet.
You dig in your ears with bobby pins.
You have to wait on your settlement to make a purchase.
You make that irritating scratching-the-inside-of-your-throat noise.
You thought "Belly" was great Black Cinema.
You buy jewelry at the train station.
You still wear pom-pom footies.
You don't know whether you have a checking or savings account, because you refer to it as a "bankin' account."
You live in the projects but you only wear Versace.
You coordinate the color of your clothes down to the underwear and tennis shoes.
You don't eat pork, but you drink forties and smoke cigarettes.
You keep used grease in a can on the stove.
You say, "lightskin-ded, skreet, vomick, frew, baffroom, ambalams, and rockweiler."
Every time you hear a song, you do the routine from the video.
You wash plasticware.
You always use the suffix "nem" when talking about your mama.
You say "finna" and "cain't".
You don't wash your hair because you think dirty hair grows faster.
You have a technique to starting up your car.
You can't eat anything without sauce. (honey mustard, hotsauce, ketchup…)
You say your grandma is Indian even though her name is Jessie Mae Jackson.
You refer to diabetes as 'SUGAR'
You consider 'clubbing' as a monthly expense
You have at least 1 relative who will always have a jheri curl
You have mothers who can use curse words and religion ALL IN ONE SENTENCE. i.e. Lord, give me strength because I'm bout to knock the sh– out of this child!
You remember historical moments by R&B hit singles such as COMPUTER LOVE, KEITH SWEAT'S MAKE IT LAST FOREVER, ETC
You swear that the Korean lady at the flea market gives them the best deals!
You have at least 1 uncle that "almost went pro" playing basketball
You spend the insurance money on everything EXCEPT getting the dent fixed.
You refer to your dresser as "the bureau"
You wear any of the following: Brute, Hai Karate, Jean Nate, Old Spice, Chloe, English Leather, Charlie, Faberge'
You use Tussy deodorant
You dry-clean your washable clothing (e.g. Jeans, t-shirts, baseball jersey, etc.) but you still take 10 garbage bags full of clothes to the Laundromat.
You refer to the Laundromat as the "wash house"
You go to the beauty shop for a press and curl (men & women)
You've ever waited several hours in a salon to get your hair done and you had an appointment
Your daughter is under sixteen and has extensions
You perm your five-year-old's hair
You have to put a towel on your furniture so that your curl activator won't stain it
You refer to the hair at the nape of your neck as your "kitchen"
You still think there's such a thing as "good" and "bad" hair
you use but mispronounce these words:
skrimps or strimps - shrimp (note: there is no "s" on the end)
pacific vs. specific (note: these are not interchangeable. In order to determine which is appropriate, listen to clues to such references to large bodies of water, as opposed to body of water)
skreet – street
look dead - looked
member - of or pertaining to a recollection (e.g. ya'll member the time…?)
spisketti - spaghetti
zinc - sink
alblums - what we used before CD's
showliz - that sure is
wayment - wait a minute
You Know You're A Ghetto Christian If . . .
You lie on an application to get a job and then get up and testify that "God
made a way out of no way!"
You get mad at a visitor and call them out for sitting in YOUR seat.
You tell the preacher to baptize you from the neck down because you just got your hair done!
You take 2 hours to get ready for church, get there late, and leave early!
You open your Bible and you cough from the dust that flies out.
Your wedding song is 'Secret Lovers'.
You say aliens abducted you, but the Lord set you free.
You do not lift your hand during worship because your acrylic nail is broken.
The only time you like to sing in the choir is when they let you sing "your" song.
You do not tithe because you say, "the preacher might be crooked and stealing the Lord's money, so I don't want to give it to him"
After you've done wrong and someone has rebuked you, you don't repent but say, "Well the Lord knows my heart."
You have ever said, "show me in the Bible where it says, thou shall not smoke".
Your favorite part of the service is the benediction.
Your pickup line to all the single women in church is "the Bible says, greet one another with a holy kiss".
You thought "the Gospel" was a concert.
You overheard someone say, "We got fed today at service" and you asked if they served chicken.
You think "The Trinity" is a new female gospel group.
You just got finished smoking on the outside of the church and then try to lead a song, get choked up, holding your throat and say to the congregation, "The devil don't want me to sing this song."
The only scripture you know is, "Jesus wept."
Every church auxiliary has fried chicken dinners for sale as a fund raiser.
You know you attend a ghetto church when they stop worship to announce someone parked in the pastor's spot and they are currently being towed
You can learn the latest dances from your church choir
The offering plate at your church goes around five times
The person doing the opening prayer lists all the Greek and Hebrew names for God.
Either the bride or groom sings a solo to each other, or both
Nobody in the wedding can really fit in their dresses, including the bride
The reception meal was cooked by the bride's mother.
There are more people in the wedding than there are in the audience
Everybody's exes were invited because they're all remarried to somebody else in the family
Your wedding dress is also a maternity dress
Your wedding march is actually a march
You sing ghetto wedding songs: "Always & forever" "I'll always love you" "You and I" "wind beneath my wings" "Here and now" "Ribbon in the sky" "always"
The deceased and his widow are wearing matching outfits
Someone tries to climb inside the coffin
More than one person thinks that she is the current spouse of the deceased
The majority of the flowers at the burial site are plastic and are taken back the following day
The service lasts for half a day
Polaroid shots are being taken of the deceased
No one knew the deceased by his real name ("who's Ravon Williams, III? I thought his name was Bookie")
Most of the mourners comment that the deceased didn't look that good when he was alive
You just get out of church praising the Lord and get into a fist fight in the parking lot.