Sunday, February 18, 2007

You Might be Ghetto If ?


The post below is crazy! This was posted by others, but I had to post this. There are just some qualities, behaviors, and traditions that are specific to our ethnicity! Despite some of the things below, I Tremendously Love Our People! I am proud to be Black!

You put sugar on your frosted flakes.

Your kids were in your wedding.

You call your mama by her first name.

You iron dirty clothes.

You wear house shoes to the grocery store.

You're nineteen and you just met your father.

Your mom does your hair in the kitchen.

You put on panty-hose instead of shaving your legs.

You buy clothes for a party and return them to the store the next day.

Your first name begins with Ta', La', or Sha' and your brother's name begins with De' or Le

You think putting batteries in the refrigerator recharges them.

You yell "Pookie or Poochie" in your house and five people turn around.

If you say AXE instead of ASK

Your kids are older than your girlfriend

Your shoes cost more than your car

Your uncle sleeps in the Kitchen.

You bring the shopping cart from the super market home full of groceries.

Listen to Boom box on the porch (Stoop) and watch people walk by.

If your child's birthday party includes a barbeque, a game of dominoes, and a Spades Tournament.

Your screen door doesn't have a screen

You wear work clothes because you think they are fashionable. (Leave the Dickies Alone!!!)

Turning up the heat means turning on another burner on the stove.

All of your drinking glasses used to be jelly jars.

Your furniture is covered in plastic.

You refer to the refrigerator as the icebox.

The back of your toilet is always off and you have to manually flush it.

You have more than ten uses for Vaseline and one of them is shoe polish.

You don't think of yourself as clean unless you have a splash of baby powder all over your chest, back and neck (ladies you know where you put the powder…)

The heels of your feet look like you've been kickin' flour. (lightly battered or a gymnast chalked up)

You use black eyeliner for your lips.

Your lipstick matches your clothes.

Your boy wears white socks with sandals or house slippers outside.

Your car cost more than your house but you don't have any Auto Insurance

You live in you momma's basement and you're 42 years old…and you still get women to come to yo momma's house for the nasty…..Ladies what's up with that?

Nobody has known your real name for 20 years including your cousins, neighbors, and boss cause everybody has been calling you Peaches since 3rd grade.

If "mybabyfavah" or "mybabymovah" is the name of your significant other…you might be ghetto.

If you own more than one pair of gold shoes…you might be ghetto.

If you have the gold lipstick to go with those gold shoes…you might be ghetto.

If your grandmother is under 40 years old…you might be ghetto.

If you have a brother or cousin named "stink", "man" or "boo"…you might be ghetto.

If you find yourself in a physical confrontation because someone stepped on your sneakers…you might be ghetto.

If your 4 yeard old can't talk, but can do the "tootsie roll"…you might be ghetto.

If you constantly use *69 on your telephone and you say, "Did you just call here?"…you might be ghetto.

If you name your child after a character on the Young and the Restless…you might be ghetto.

If you do not have a job, but your hair and nails are done on a weekly basis…you might be ghetto.

If you believe that the words mother and father have the letter "v" in their spelling…you might be ghetto.

If "arts and crafts aids" (such as spray paint, glue, and glitter) are hair products to you…you might be ghetto.
Your grandma has gray Shirley Temple curls.
You buy kids' social security numbers to get a larger income tax return check.
You're a dark-skinned woman, but you dye your hair blond because you think it makes you look lighter.
You are at the Maxwell concert, but your lights are turned off.
You can't answer a question without phrases from a rap song. (ex: "Mr. Johnson, are you ready for your interview?" answer "I love it when you call me Mr. John-son, throw your hands in the air…"
You still don't know what Y2K stands for, but you bought a bunch of water and batteries.
When you are at the bus stop and hear loud music, you start jammin'.
You don't have a job because you are "in the studio."
You and your friends say "AAAAAAAAA!" when you hear a song that you like.
You are scared to use the phone during a storm, because you think that electricity is going to come through the line.
You are doing the butterfly and your 2 year old child is raising the roof saying, "Go Angie, get busy!"
You shake sunflower seeds in your fist.
You think you're intelligent by mentioning your "comprutah" skills
You still grease your scalp with Vaseline.
You refer to the Wayans Brothers as the Way-Nans.
Your grandma told you that you were related to the ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Jackson family or Thomas Jefferson.
You don't come to work on your birthday.
You have the bootleg cable man's number in your wallet.
You dig in your ears with bobby pins.
You have to wait on your settlement to make a purchase.
You make that irritating scratching-the-inside-of-your-throat noise.
You thought "Belly" was great Black Cinema.
You buy jewelry at the train station.
You still wear pom-pom footies.
You don't know whether you have a checking or savings account, because you refer to it as a "bankin' account."
You live in the projects but you only wear Versace.
You coordinate the color of your clothes down to the underwear and tennis shoes.
You don't eat pork, but you drink forties and smoke cigarettes.
You keep used grease in a can on the stove.
You say, "lightskin-ded, skreet, vomick, frew, baffroom, ambalams, and rockweiler."
Every time you hear a song, you do the routine from the video.
You wash plasticware.
You always use the suffix "nem" when talking about your mama.
You say "finna" and "cain't".
You don't wash your hair because you think dirty hair grows faster.
You have a technique to starting up your car.
You can't eat anything without sauce. (honey mustard, hotsauce, ketchup…)
You say your grandma is Indian even though her name is Jessie Mae Jackson.
You refer to diabetes as 'SUGAR'
You consider 'clubbing' as a monthly expense
You have at least 1 relative who will always have a jheri curl
You have mothers who can use curse words and religion ALL IN ONE SENTENCE. i.e. Lord, give me strength because I'm bout to knock the sh– out of this child!
You remember historical moments by R&B hit singles such as COMPUTER LOVE, KEITH SWEAT'S MAKE IT LAST FOREVER, ETC
You swear that the Korean lady at the flea market gives them the best deals!
You have at least 1 uncle that "almost went pro" playing basketball
You spend the insurance money on everything EXCEPT getting the dent fixed.
You refer to your dresser as "the bureau"
You wear any of the following: Brute, Hai Karate, Jean Nate, Old Spice, Chloe, English Leather, Charlie, Faberge'
You use Tussy deodorant
You dry-clean your washable clothing (e.g. Jeans, t-shirts, baseball jersey, etc.) but you still take 10 garbage bags full of clothes to the Laundromat.
You refer to the Laundromat as the "wash house"
You go to the beauty shop for a press and curl (men & women)
You've ever waited several hours in a salon to get your hair done and you had an appointment
Your daughter is under sixteen and has extensions
You perm your five-year-old's hair
You have to put a towel on your furniture so that your curl activator won't stain it
You refer to the hair at the nape of your neck as your "kitchen"
You still think there's such a thing as "good" and "bad" hair
you use but mispronounce these words:
skrimps or strimps - shrimp (note: there is no "s" on the end)
pacific vs. specific (note: these are not interchangeable. In order to determine which is appropriate, listen to clues to such references to large bodies of water, as opposed to body of water)
skreet – street
look dead - looked
member - of or pertaining to a recollection (e.g. ya'll member the time…?)
spisketti - spaghetti
zinc - sink
alblums - what we used before CD's
showliz - that sure is
wayment - wait a minute

You Know You're A Ghetto Christian If . . .

You lie on an application to get a job and then get up and testify that "God

made a way out of no way!"

You get mad at a visitor and call them out for sitting in YOUR seat.

You tell the preacher to baptize you from the neck down because you just got your hair done!

You take 2 hours to get ready for church, get there late, and leave early!

You open your Bible and you cough from the dust that flies out.

Your wedding song is 'Secret Lovers'.

You say aliens abducted you, but the Lord set you free.

You do not lift your hand during worship because your acrylic nail is broken.

The only time you like to sing in the choir is when they let you sing "your" song.

You do not tithe because you say, "the preacher might be crooked and stealing the Lord's money, so I don't want to give it to him"

After you've done wrong and someone has rebuked you, you don't repent but say, "Well the Lord knows my heart."

You have ever said, "show me in the Bible where it says, thou shall not smoke".

Your favorite part of the service is the benediction.

Your pickup line to all the single women in church is "the Bible says, greet one another with a holy kiss".

You thought "the Gospel" was a concert.

You overheard someone say, "We got fed today at service" and you asked if they served chicken.

You think "The Trinity" is a new female gospel group.

You just got finished smoking on the outside of the church and then try to lead a song, get choked up, holding your throat and say to the congregation, "The devil don't want me to sing this song."

The only scripture you know is, "Jesus wept."

Every church auxiliary has fried chicken dinners for sale as a fund raiser.

You know you attend a ghetto church when they stop worship to announce someone parked in the pastor's spot and they are currently being towed

You can learn the latest dances from your church choir
The offering plate at your church goes around five times
The person doing the opening prayer lists all the Greek and Hebrew names for God.
Either the bride or groom sings a solo to each other, or both
Nobody in the wedding can really fit in their dresses, including the bride
The reception meal was cooked by the bride's mother.
There are more people in the wedding than there are in the audience
Everybody's exes were invited because they're all remarried to somebody else in the family
Your wedding dress is also a maternity dress
Your wedding march is actually a march
You sing ghetto wedding songs: "Always & forever" "I'll always love you" "You and I" "wind beneath my wings" "Here and now" "Ribbon in the sky" "always"
The deceased and his widow are wearing matching outfits
Someone tries to climb inside the coffin
More than one person thinks that she is the current spouse of the deceased
The majority of the flowers at the burial site are plastic and are taken back the following day
The service lasts for half a day
Polaroid shots are being taken of the deceased
No one knew the deceased by his real name ("who's Ravon Williams, III? I thought his name was Bookie")
Most of the mourners comment that the deceased didn't look that good when he was alive
You just get out of church praising the Lord and get into a fist fight in the parking lot.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Every once in a while I get on places and look up stuff like this for a good laugh but i looked this up and i picked 3 of my friends to refer to it by there names are "shaquetta latosha and tamisha" no joke and i bet that more than half of the jokes are true about them 3 people and i think its super funny b/c I am white and I make fun of them to there face and they dont get how ghetto they are

Truthful Ghetto Bitch said...

Ghetto is also a term of ignorance and you obviously displayed that with your "I'm white and they don't see how ghetto they really are" comment.

Anonymous said...

You use grocery bags to line trash cans

Anonymous said...

Someone needs to create a "you might be living in the stone age if"... When someone calls you, you lose your internet connection! Ha Ha Ha

Anonymous said...

Some of this stuff is messed up.

sweet said...

At truthful, you are so right it was funny but at the same time it was'nt! i can relate to alot of stuff on the list simply because that s what we grow up around but some of the stuff is hurtful because ignorant people think it just relates o blacks, wrong i know diff people who are not black... @ Anonymous if this is what u get on the internet looking for so u can laugh at one race to your own then think about your own situation....A Racist maybe hmmm

Anonymous said...

AMAN. (WAVING PAPER FAN)